Surviving Querying

So you’re in the trenches sending out query letters and refreshing your inbox obsessively for a response to magically appear. ME TOO! So, how do we get through this process together? Well, let’s check it out with 5 tips that are currently helping me.

1. Work on a new project.

I know, you want to keep working and tweaking and perfecting what you’re querying… but right now, put it down. Put it down. Really, stop it. Stop it and start on something else. You remember that shiny new idea beating down your door when you were hip deep in your previous project? Go catch up with it, see if that New Shiny Idea is ready to become a full fledged piece.

2. Keep good records.

Keep track of who you’ve sent queries too and when/what they responded. You can do this in your own excel sheet, or on a site like QueryTracker. Knowing what responses you’re getting keeps you on track.

3. Immediately get rid of rejections.

Look, rejection sucks. It just does and there’s no way around that. The second I get a rejection letter for an agent, I note the response in my tracking system then shove that rejection into another file in my inbox so it doesn’t just hang out in my inbox. Don’t dwell on it and don’t respond with hellfire to any rejection you get.

4. Go do something fun.

You’ve probably been working on this project you’re querying for a quite a while. Go out and do something fun. See a movie you’ve been excited about, try that new class, read a book, start a garden. Do something fun and make sure you’re refilling the creative well.

5. Remember it’s not personal.

I know this novel holds your heart and soul. You’ve poured yourself into this novel and when someone rejects the novel, it can feel a whole lot like they’re rejecting you as a person. They aren’t. It’s not personal and no one hates you. Take a deep breath and remember this is your novel not you.

Querying can be tough and it can require a lot of self-care to get through. It’s also totally okay to realize you’re not at a place where you can take the highs and lows of querying. Do what fits your needs and your health at the moment, but don’t give up. 

7 Tips to Make the Most of Conventions

I love conferences and conventions (yes they're different) and consider them a part of my writing life. Sometimes I can't wait to get to them and sometimes I dread every second leading up until I actually walk in the door. Knowing what to do/why you're at these events can make the difference between having a great time and being miserable the entire time you're there.

So get your battle gear on and let's prep for heading into the throngs of people at your next convention!

1. Know why you're going.

Are you there because they have awesome panels on writing and you're looking to improve your craft? Is your favorite author there and you want to fan out all over them (respectfully please)? Know why you're there so you don't show up and get totally overwhelmed at all the options. If you're there for the panels don't get sucked into the black pit that is the dealer's room.

2. Take notes.

If you're sitting at a panel, take notes on what is being said and who's there. I love making notes of who says something clever on a panel so I can find and follow them on twitter/instagram/the moon. It helps to know who is there and saying things that make sense to you. A lot of times you can find out those people have blogs and you have a whole slew of resources now at your fingertips. For instance, I met Delilah S. Dawson at a convention, and loved everything she had to say on a panel about writing. I followed her on social media and now I've got a hat filled with writing tips and tricks that make me ridiculously happy.

3. Don't be an ass.

If your dream agent is there please do not hunt them to the bathroom and try to slide your manuscript to them though the stall door. Don't argue, insult, or belittle anyone. Be a nice person. No one is here to make enemies and you shouldn't be either. This also means to please watch how much you drink at the bar and/or after party. Trust me on that one.

4. Make friends.

I know, I know. Talking to people is scary and weird. Most writers are introverts and talking to a stranger is scary. Find something small to start with and build from there. One of my best writing buddies in the world I met at a writer's conference. We started talking because I liked her skull accessories and she liked my skull purse. We bonded and years later we still talk on a regular basis. The other people in the audience with you are the writers of the future too. Ask about what they learned, make small talk, be brave! The people on the panels and behind the tables are human (mostly. Some of them might be robots but that's a different story) and are happy to talk to you. Just don't hover forever and stalk anyone. Remember rule 3.

5. Have business cards.

I love business cards. At every event I want to collect as many as possible. It's like a professional version of pokemon where you have to collect them all! Business cards are a great way to keep in touch after a conference. Find one another on the interwebs and keep in touch. If you meet someone in a burlesque horror writing panel then you may have just found yourself a new critique partner. After the convention take a few minutes to send out emails just saying thanks and inviting them to continue the conversation.

6. Enjoy the post-con buzz and crash.

After every conference or convention I feel revitalized. All the creative energy is back in buckets and I'm ready to create a whole new world. However, I also feel isolated. I've left the world where I can talk about murder in public without being judged and back to the everyday world. It can be a bit of a culture shock. Be aware of this rollercoaster. Step 5 can really help here by letting you keep in contact with those people you met who may or may not live very close to you. The internet is a great and terrible thing. Use it for good to keep that creative energy around you.

7. Have fun!

Enough said. Enjoy yourself. Laugh and be ridiculous.

At Home with Monsters Visit

Guillermo del Toro has been my favorite director since I first saw the Devils Backbone a flight to France many years ago. I fell in love instantly with the ghostly, grim beauty he built in his stories. Soon I dove into everything he'd touched and fell in love with each of them for different reasons.

When I first learned that his Bleak House, his second home filed with items of inspiration and wonder, would be available to view at museums, I waited eagerly to see where it would end up. Nowhere near me of course. As the exhibit ran its curse in California, I watched flight prices but could never find a way to get there.

When it moved to Minneapolis, I kept looking. I read article after article about it, and started looking for flights. I finally found an odd set of dates that would let me ge there. I booked the flights and found a nearby hotel. The whole trip felt surreal, I couldn't believe i was really doing this, but off and away I went with my mother accompanying me.

We arrived at our hotel, put down our suitcases and took off straight for the Minnesota Institute of Art. After about n hour of wandering to find the right bus, we finally reached the museum and headed straight into the exhibit. It was as amazing as I had hoped.

The Angel of Death greeted us as we walked in. I spent about 2 and a half hours there. I went through the entire exhibit three times. The fist time I took pictures of almost everything (seriously, I took almost 300 pictures), the second time I snapped a few pictures of things Id missed and the final time, I just basked in the exhibit.

It felt so like his films, I waited for the Faun to come to life and show me a secret. It seemed like Guillermo himself could walk through the doors at any second. It felt Ike home.

The exhibit was laid out by themes rather than by time or film. Its a fascinating exploration of childhood, loss, death, monsters, and the cross where all of that exists. If you can get to it, I highly recommend it. If you can;t then his book, At Home with Monsters, includes a lot of incredible information and pictures. So, here are some of my favorite photos from the trip: 

Make the Most of Rejection!

One of the things almost every writer will run into is rejection. The dreaded ‘thanks but no thanks’ form letter that crushes souls and dreams of writers everywhere. But that doesn’t mean they are just piles of suck.

You send your little word baby out into the world and someone kicks it back home. Now, sometimes the word baby comes back with a note attached, “pretty voice, but too long”; “great personality, but not for us” and so on. These notes are awesome. Personalized rejections are a great thing to get.

Most of the time your word baby will have a simple form letter stapled to its face. “Thank you for submitting to xyz. Our editors read your story and decided it was not appropriate for xyz. Thank you” or something of that sort.

Now, here’s what should do after you get any kind of rejection:

1. Read it, record it, and move on

Read it once. Twice at most, and then either delete it or put it in a file where you can’t easily see it. You don’t need to read it over and over again stressing about every word in that email and trying to find some hidden meaning in it. Read it, record it, and move on. (You should be keeping track of everywhere you’re sending your stories so make note of when you received the rejection and what it said.)

2. If you got feedback, add it to the story

Now right after a rejection, you might be a little too unhappy to dive immediately into the story, and that’s cool. But if you get a particular suggestion from an editor then copy and paste it into your file so you can look at it later. A lot of these suggestions will be very helpful, especially once you’re not stinging from the BURN OF REJECTION.

3. Do something else

If a rejection notice really gets under your skin, go do something physical. Run, box, dance naked around your house, take a bubble bath and play battleship with the shampoo bottle. Just go do something and get that energy out. It will help calm you down.

4. Look for other places to submit

There are tons of calls out there and you can almost always find another home for your little word baby. If you think your story is solid, then go ahead and resubmit it out to a new market. Just make sure you record it.

5. WRITE MORE

This is kind of an always sort of thing, but don’t let a rejection keep you from getting writing done. Get back to writing and putting words on paper.

Things you should NOT do.

1. Write an email back

DO NOT RESPOND TO THE REJECTION. Especially if your instinct is to respond by spitting acid across the internet in an attempt to dissolve said editor/agent person.

BAD WRITER. NO.

Do not send an angry email or demand to know how they could possibly deny you. Unless the rejection email specifically asks for something, for instance, “This wasn’t quite right for us but we like your voice. Do you have anything else?” or if you are asked to make revisions and resubmit. Then by all means respond, but otherwise, let it go and do not scream into the void.

2. DO NOT BLAST THE COMPANY

Professionalism is the name of the game and professionalism doesn’t go on screaming rants about that terrible dumb company that dared to reject MOI! This also applies to bad reviews. Just do not engage. Rant to friends, family, dogs, cats, lost circus bears, etc. but do not put that in writing and send it out into the universe. It’s been said a million times, but publishing is smaller than you think and a lot of people will see your meltdown.

3. DO NOT GIVE UP FIVEEVER

I know that being told no, especially being told no over and over can be disheartening. It can be enough to make you want to hang up your writing shoes (writing mittens? Writing hands? What the hell do writers wear?) and give up. DON’T. If you need to take a day or two to be devastated, that’s fine, but don’t stop. DON’T EVER STOP. (*que Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing montage here*)

Now from here, you can send that little word baby out to a new potential home; scrap that story and shelf it for a while; or you can pull out your seam rippers and cut ‘er open and see what’s wrong. If a story has been rejected multiple times, it’s probably time for a little bit of surgery to see what’s not ticking quite right. Take any feedback you’ve gotten and see if it fits, let a new person read it and see what they think. Play, tinker and create. THAT’S YOUR JOB.

Rejection is a part of the game. It’s a crappy part, but rejection means you’re out there doing your damnedest and that deserves some celebration. Getting a rejection means you’re out there trying, and working at it. People who never finish anything never get rejections so you’re that much further ahead. GO YOU!

So here’s to you and to all your past, present and future rejection letters!

Believe in Magic

I'm not a big believer in the idea of the muse. If I only wrote when I felt magically inspired, in the flow of writing, very little would ever happen. But that doesn't mean that I don't see the moments the muse shows her fickle butt up to the party. For me, the muse regularly shows up when I'm in the shower, or washing dishes. Something about my hands being covered in soap and water really makes the muse smack my brain with all of the great ideas. What an ass. 

I fully believe that writers need inspiration to keep going, to solve the problems that inevitably arise in stories. Maybe it's in the spark of an idea, or the sudden connection of two ideas to solve a problem.  So what can you do to coax some inspiration out? Well here are 5 little tips.

1. Stop forcing it. 

Sitting at the computer and demanding to be hit by the inspiration stick usually just leads to a lot of frustration and not a lot of production. Sit down (or stand or walk!) and get to work. Maybe inspiration shows up, maybe it doesn't but you've got work to do. 

2. Take time off

Work, work, work is a recipe for burn out and a whole lot of nope. Take time off from your work. Go outside, take a shower, wash dishes, do laundry, play a game, do something else. Give your subconscious time to stir the soup of ideas. 

3. Talk it out. 

Sometimes you've got to talk the little gremlins down. What I mean is, sometimes you need to take that plot problem out of your head and into the physical world. It doesn't matter if you're talking out the plot problem with your cat, dog, stuffed weasel, whatever. What matters is getting the words together to explain it. I'm amazed at the number of times simply speaking it out loud makes a solution suddenly click into place. 

4. Have fun. 

Go and do something you enjoy. Take a hike, a bubble bath, a nap. Do something that you enjoy, feed the muse some happiness. 

5. Remember you're more than your muse. 

So maybe your muse is MIA and you're feeling like crap. Your self worth is not tied up in your muse taking a day (or more) off. You're still amazing. Take some time to re-fill your creative well and that muse will be back. 

Magic happens in the mundane, you just have to pay attention enough to catch it.

Conning it up! Making the most of conventions.

Cons, for me, are a ton of fun and just about the most exhausting thing in the world. When you spend most of your time alone or with just a few people being in a situation where you're suddenly surrounded by thousands of people can be overwhelming. Especially when you're on and working the whole weekend.

Yes, at conventions I'm working, connecting with readers, writers, publishers, and friends. From the moment I get there until the moment I go back home, I'm on and working. What that means is smiling, answering questions, and interacting with people. As an introvert with some serious anxiety issues, it can be incredibly difficult.

Over the years I've gotten better. I no longer hide in my room between panels, or eat alone, or go to bed as soon as my last panel is over. I talk to strangers, don't let one jerk ruin the weekend, and I stay out and interact with people (which includes occasionally uncomfortable, creepy situations). I also have fewer moments of 'Oh god why am I here with all these incredibly talented people when I am a potato'  which helps as well. I figured that now was as good a time as any to share a couple of things I've learned over the years and see if maybe it can help anyone else have a better time.

1. Have a comfort group

Have a person (or a few people) that you can go to when you get overwhelmed and that calm you down. This can be a friend, a mentor, etc. It's great when you have a table near this person, but that doesn't always happen. I'm fortunate to have built up a great network of people that make me feel safe and I can go to them when I get frazzled and get my head right again. I also have a great group of people who remind me that I have a right to be here and that my point of view is valuable.

2. Take some time before your panel

Panels scare the ever-loving daylight out of me. The thought of something stupid coming out of my mouth gives me nightmares weeks before I even get to a convention. But they're also one of my favorite things because I love helping people. So, before most panels I try to find a chance to escape to the bathroom and do the wonder woman pose in a stall for a few seconds. There's an awesome Ted Talk that explains more about this, but it helps me feel more confident. I also try to make a conscious effort to not cross my arms or slouch. If I project confidence long enough, I start to feel confident again. I often stand with my hands on my hips behind my table or twirl from side to side to work off my anxious energy. It makes people laugh, but it helps me feel better.

3. Study the convention before you go

Knowing who is going to be there and where it's going to be can help immensely. Learning that a convention is at a hotel you've been to before makes it less frightening (especially for me because I have zero sense of direction and get lost in my own neighborhood frequently). Make a list of addresses you need to know (hotel, convention center, gas station, restaurant, etc.) and keep them in your pocket or purse.

Also, don't be afraid to reach out to people who are going to the same convention. This is especially true if you're a guest and don't know anyone. Email some of the other guests, introduce yourself, and make plans to meet up there! For me, talking to someone on social media first is awesome and way less frightening than talking to a stranger in person.

4. Know when you need a moment

Going to hide in the bathroom or your room when you get overwhelmed is okay! The point is to come back out and get at it again as soon as you can. Take a few deep breaths, and try to calm down. Try listening to your favorite song, reading something you love, or just going on a walk. It's okay to freak out, but the point is to not let it conquer you.

5. Don't let one thing ruin your weekend

At some conventions I have unfortunate encounters with creepers who make it difficult to enjoy anything after it's happened. What I've found works for me is to take a walk with a friend, get out of the area, go get food (or drinks or nothing). The movement helps calm me back down and reminding myself that awesome people way outnumber the creeps helps me remember why I'm here and that at the end of the day I love conventions and the wacky, awesome family I've found in them.

6. Play pretend

Sometimes when I go to conventions I pretend I'm someone else. I pretend to be a really outgoing, boisterous, confident person. I wear outrageous clothes, talk loud and play pretend like when I was a kid and would pretend to be a power ranger. By the end of the weekend, I'm ready to take that persona off, but it can get me through the convention. I have a particular skirt, and a particular pair of shoes that 'transform' me into this persona and when I'm really worried about shrinking away at a convention I'll wear those and fake it till I make it in the confidence field.

7. Remember everyone else is nervous too

Almost every person you meet at a convention is nervous about it. I've even had someone nervous about talking to me (to me!!) and it's strange to suddenly realize that no one is perfect and always confident. This weekend I heard a New York Times bestselling author say that they felt like at any moment someone was going to realize a mistake had been made and come take everything from them. That's a feeling I fight through every day, and realizing even the people you admire fight that battle is incredibly comforting.

You're not alone with your fear, we're all wrestling with it too.

I hope maybe that helps someone else, and if you have any tips or ideas I'd love to hear them!

Little Rebel, Write However You Want

Sometimes I think there might be more writing advice out on the interwebs than there are actually stories. Everywhere you look, you can find some new tip or trick that supposedly will make you a better writer. The ideas vary wildly from using no technology to using nothing but technology. There are people who get up at 4am to write and people who stay up until 4am to write. There are those who writ every day and those who write in bursts and then don't write again for days. 

For a long time I thought that there had to be some secret for writing. Something that would make writing suddenly super easy and always succusful. I dove into every writing guide I could get my hands on, read every blog post, tried every tip and trick I could get my greedy little hands on. And I hated it. I felt like I never was doing enough, was never writing 'correctly'. I always felt like I was failing some final exam and any moment, someone was going to snatch my laptop for me and tell me to stop faking it. 

I stopped writing for a while and that was just as miserable. I longed to write but I remained scared on how to actually going about getting it down on page. Until I realized the very simple, no duh moment that it didn't matter. How I got the words onto page didn't matter. What mattered is that I wrote. I didn't have to make the process this grand scary thing that required a certain candle to be lit at a certain time. All that mattered was writing. Even if I wrote horrible crap that no one would ever see the world wouldn't end. 

I'd built the process of writing up so much in my head that fear paralyzed me. I worried about somehow getting it 'wrong' and ruining everything. 

But the process only need to have one step: write. 

Now I'm not afraid to try different things, to play with my process and take the time to learn what works and doesn't work for me. I've realized there is no one way to write that matches for everyone. There are a variety of ways to write and no shame in doing what works for you. You don't have to write like Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, Roxanne Gay or anyone else writes. You can build it your own way, you rebel you. 

All you have to remember is to get your words on the page. 

The Lies Behind Productivity

Sharing time! I'm obsessed with productivity tips and blogs. Articles like '7 Habits Only Happy People Have' and '12 Ways You Waste Time Every Day' devour my morning and leave me feeling productive even when I have literally just spent 3 hours on LifeHacker and have nothing to show for it but chapped lips, dry eyes and a lingering sense of guilt. 

While I love reading about these tips, it's just because it feels productive without me having to actually do anything hard. Reading an article? Psssha, that's easy work and a total time waster, but this article will teach me how to optimize my morning so I get everything done and become a productivity ninja! 

That's not to say that these articles don't share good advice or fun tidbits of information that make you feel great about yourself. (I mean, did you know that millionaires tend to smile a lot. I smile a lot, I'm totally on the way to being a millionaire since we have so much in common.) However, at some point it's time to stop with the fun articles and buckle up for a ride. 

Accomplishing things sucks sometimes. Even things you're excited about can be hard to motivate yourself for. I love the novel I'm working on but some days the last thing in the world I want to do is park my cute, little butt in a chair and sit (or stand) at my desk to write. I love the story, the characters, everything, but UGH WHY CANNOT I TELEPATH MY STORY INTO PEOPLE'S HEADS?

But the work is necessary. There are some ways that might make it easier. For example, setting a timer and racing to see how many words I can type in 25 minutes (My best record was 2,003 whoo!) gets me typing and having fun. Some days though, that just doesn't work. I sit at my computer for an hour and type three words and ignore the timer. 

It's a matter of working with myself and knowing that sitting down to work is the only way this project will get done. So yeah, I might pop on Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr or the whole of the Interwebs, but eventually I fall back into my work because I know I have to or it won't happen. A simple motivation? Maybe, but it's the one that stays constant. 

I still dream of being a productivity ninja who talks about how I rise at 5am to go on a 6-mile run before having a kale smoothie and meditating for twenty minutes, but I don't think I ever will be. And I'm totally okay with that. But what I can do is work with what I am, which is a procrastinating over-achiever who wants to live in a Real Simple magazine but would only break everything I touched there. 

And that's okay because who wants a kale smoothie anyways? 

Books are written with time stolen from other people

Selfish.

It's a word that plays on repeat in my brain. On a good day, I'll only hear it once or twice. On a bad day, it plays a song that lasts from the moment my eyes open to the second I finally drift to sleep.

One of the things that I struggle the most with writing is the selfishness that it requires. I don't mean the Gollum hoarding type of selfishness, I mean the 'I have to go lock myself in my bedroom for the entire evening rather than hang out with my friends/family' sort of selfishness.

I've always been very bad at saying no or not doing something for someone else. I am a people pleaser at my very core, and I struggle with any time I have to say no to doing something for someone. I have a terrible case of balloon hand where I volunteer for tasks that pop up and cut away from my time.

I want to help everyone and do everything for all of the people I care about. I will drop everything and drive eight hours through the night if someone really needs me to. But the problem with that is that I constantly give away time that I need to spend on my writing.

What I probably struggle the most with is writing in the evenings when my roommates are home. I adore my roommates, but I struggle to get much work done when camped out in the living room half listening to a conversation, and half-plotting on how to kill the troublesome centaur in chapter 3.

I'm half everywhere and getting nothing done.

I recently read the quote that became the title of this post, "Books are written with time stolen from other people" and as much as I've searched the Internet I can't figure out who said it (if you know please tell me!). But this quote is probably one of the truest things I've ever read. The time spent on writing is time not spent doing something else, and a lot of that means cutting time with people you love, with other activities you love.

How do you get around it?

For me, I'm starting to adjust myself to getting up earlier in the morning and trying to write then. I'm looking at a few other options to see if I can make the time I need without feeling like I'm cutting contact with the people I love because while writing can be a lonely job, you need contact with people and a support network for the inevitable swings that writing brings.

I think this problem is particularly an issue when you work full time because after that 8-10 hours a day, not many hours are left to fit in everything else. To everyone with children, and spouses, I admire your dedication even more. I'm single, childless and still stress about time on a daily basis.

The truth of the matter is that there is no way to just magically 'find' time in your day like a discarded nickel found in the washing machine. You make time, you carve it out from the flesh of the day and you have to leave pieces behind because there just isn't enough to go around. The important thing is to be aware of what you're cutting out and to take control of the hours you can free.

5 Things I Learned at #ATLWW

This past Saturday I had the great opportunity to go to the Atlanta's Writer's Digest Conference. It's a great conference that brings some of the most talented writers, editors and agents right to my door for one day only. The conference is filled with various panel discussions, informational workshops, the chance to get your pages critiqued and the opportunity to pitch your novel to agents. I knew I had to go even if I was flying solo. 
I had an incredible time and learned so much, but if I had to sum it up, here are 5 take aways. 

1. Make Friends
        I went into the conference not knowing anyone, and within a matter of minutes had already made friends simply by smiling and saying hello. Rather than eating lunch alone, I sat at a table surrounded by amazing writers laughing and sharing stories. Learning from other writers, giving and receiving advice made the conference fill like a reunion. Writers are a great bunch of people and everyone is mostly friendly and just as excited as you! 

2. Take Notes
 The panels are filled with information, and even if you get a handout, it's still not a bad idea to take notes. Write down anything and everything that clicks with you. Once you get home you probably won't remember everything and you'll be glad to have notes to refer to. It's also great if you've made friends and can share notes that way you get information from more than just the 1 session you can attend. 

3. Research agents
If you're planning to pitch your novel, make sure you take the time to research everyone you're thinking about pitching. Read interviews with them, read their manuscript wish lists, follow them on twitter, and take notes of your own. Be ready to answer questions and have a smile ready. 

4. Read.
This is a general writer rule but something that was hammered home by my agent meetings. Almost all of the agents I pitched asked me about what I was reading or what authors I enjoyed reading. Not having an answer would not look good so make sure that you are reading and know what books are out there. If the only books you can talk about are 20 years old you've got some work to do. Keep on top of current releases and what's going on in your genre. 

5. Learn something new
Be brave and go to a panel about a topic you know nothing about. Talk to someone who is pitching a novel totally outside of your usual genres. You'll be amazed at what new information can click into place and illuminate your writing brain. Always be striving to grow as a writer and as a person. 

All and all, I would highly recommend going to a conference and getting the experience. If you are writing in a particular genre, look for those writng associations. Many of them host writing conferences and it's a great chance to really hone your skills.